Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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