the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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