I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
