I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize