I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
