Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
