You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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