After last night, I could never be a politician.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
