I think im going to throw up on grandma
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize