my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
