If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
