do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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