She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize