So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
