If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
