Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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