i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my god I love twenty year old dicks
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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