She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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