real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize