I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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