What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
