i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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