I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
