I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize