remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Congratulations! We have a period
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
