sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize