Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize