oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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