Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize