The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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