I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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