I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
