the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
