Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
