My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
