Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
