She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
