I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize