they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
