Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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