quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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