Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
