he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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