You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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