OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
