I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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