Only a mothe r could love this liver
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
