No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
