if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
