He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The Olympian is in my bed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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