1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
