Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
