life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
