I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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