is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
so much tequila, so little girl.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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