I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
