your room smells of hookers.
And success
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
