A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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