Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
