This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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