I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
