I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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