If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
