your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
