Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He felt like a one man threesome
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
