So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize