Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Panties = found
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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