This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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