So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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