If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
