Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
