shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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