he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
