The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
