An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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