I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
