i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
