Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
