I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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