My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
