College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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