i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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