so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
