forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
