overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
