my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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