i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
