we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
