There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
