Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Pooping to opera.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
