just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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