if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
