You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
