I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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