my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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