This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
