I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
